Helpless

As I was walking tonight my mind started to wander. There are so many things breaking my heart and crowding my thoughts. Let me simply start with what’s on top. Matter of fact I will save the other stuff for another day.

Kelly is a 27 year old mother who only a few months ago dedicated her life to Christ and was baptized. She is currently fighting for her life battling the nasty cancer monster. She has begged the doctors to let her come to an h2gathering (she listen on the phone this Sunday).  Caleb a 17 year old boy (good friend of my son Damien) who complained of a back pain and was diagnosed with Hodgkins stage 3 today. Everyday broken hearts sit inches away from me whose wounds are too deep for human hands to heal.  Emails and phone calls full of questions to find answers to sooth the pain or calm fears. Hurt on top of hurt, sorrow on top of sorrow.  The words of a song written by Paul Baloche says what my heart screams through all of this pain :

 I wasn't created to live this life alone
Made for Your glory I am not my own
Lord Your strength is made perfect in me
So I'll boast in the weakness I see

I am helpless helpless
And my heart is crying out for You
Jesus without Your presence
There is nothing I can do
I'm helpless without You

Lord in myself I am not enough
I need Your Spirit fill me with Your love
All I am and all that I do
Means nothing at all without You

The last verse really cuts through me “Lord in myself I am not enough” . As I contemplated all that was burdening me I was trying to figure out how I was going to deal with it all… But I realized it was impossible for me. But with God all things are possible! So do I feel better? Well I feel like a little boy who has been lost in the woods all night and finally finds his daddy and falls into his arms exhausted, too tired to smile,  but at peace knowing that he can depend on daddy to carry him all the way home.  Bruised and broken but safe in His arms.